im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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