Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Panties = found
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
