Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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