Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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