remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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