WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
