I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
did i just pee glitter
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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