Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
