is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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