Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
