the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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