The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
