Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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