we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
