i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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