nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
high people should be assigned attendants
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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