You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
