I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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