You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Even my vagina gasped.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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