look no pants
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
