i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
