I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
