Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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