I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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