guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
