the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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