I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize