It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
