I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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