So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
too bad you live with your parents still
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
