pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
