I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
