What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
