Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
