dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and she was petting her beer can
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
