How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
