i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
