I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
