Fuck appropriateness.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
