around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
