WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
