i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize