if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
