She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
