Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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