I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
