Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
