I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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