it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
