drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
