I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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