He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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