Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
