Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
