peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
