You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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