your parents love me but you hate me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
