She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
