i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
